Trying to make a text again. I start and then I start again, and again, I can not express myself. I want to write this blog just to practise my english writing skills and to some times, get things of my chest.
But then my mind always try to find something "important" to write about, something that can help others. Something interesting. The need to make a great text or the need to write something beautiful and expresive.
I can´t make it happen. As I realize more and more these days, I can not force anything. Especially when it comes to me, and things I wish I did.
I have to face it. Last months, or maybe it is this whole year, or wait, maybe it is many years I´ve been feeling like this. I feel like I have great potential. Really great potential, and ideas, and way of being.
I am not using all of my potential. I am not even close to spending my days the way I would like to.
It´s is a little sabotar inside of me, one who takes away my energy and tell me to be lazy and all kind of shit.
Maybe we all have this experience, that we could see a better self. A higher self, one who is doing all the things we really want to. I see this a bit more clearly. It is a part of myself that don´t want to change, that want to keep on doing Nadja life the same old way. Just a problem; It is not working for me.
As I see and feel my great potential every day, getting cut loose from my path, from my every day life, I instead see doubt and judgment take up all the space and energy.
I have literally been sitting on my as in my room this summer, with a really empty feeling. Or is it even emptiness?
It´s apathetic. And this feeling I´ve been struggeling with for a looooong time. Others they do´nt see this, because I keep a poker face, without any reality. I keep on saying to myself that I am fine. I don´t let other people see my doubt. I let them see "perfect Nadja", and I think this is why my apathetic comes.
Like a shield of protection. I have not showned feeling, true feeling for a while so then when I am alone, I feel apathy. And I can not move. And nothing feels important or funny or good for me.
And deep down inside, I am screaming for a change, for a better and stronge Nadja to emerge and transform.
I see her, I understand she will come. She is not hiding, she is just waiting, She is asking me to have a look at this shaddow, at this inner battle, at that little sabotar. As part of the journey to transform, this is the mission, step 1 one could say.
Like all of us, we have a really strong inner self, higher self, soul, light body that knows that everything, all will be allright.
We have to work on the ego, the shaddow and the subconscious we have. We can not shine as a higher self if the ego breaks us apart all the time.
I will give myself the challange to stay in one place for a little longer time. And to go into the transformation of the being.
This I promis myself. To have a look at everything that steals my energy, who blocks me from reaching my highest potential. Today I will start to make tha transformation!
First by posting this, and saying to myself, wow Nadja, these picture are just great, what a good idea to bring the camera out when your where picking muschrooms, and what a great sunday. Monday morning will be your best one ever :)
But then my mind always try to find something "important" to write about, something that can help others. Something interesting. The need to make a great text or the need to write something beautiful and expresive.
I can´t make it happen. As I realize more and more these days, I can not force anything. Especially when it comes to me, and things I wish I did.
I have to face it. Last months, or maybe it is this whole year, or wait, maybe it is many years I´ve been feeling like this. I feel like I have great potential. Really great potential, and ideas, and way of being.
I am not using all of my potential. I am not even close to spending my days the way I would like to.
It´s is a little sabotar inside of me, one who takes away my energy and tell me to be lazy and all kind of shit.
Maybe we all have this experience, that we could see a better self. A higher self, one who is doing all the things we really want to. I see this a bit more clearly. It is a part of myself that don´t want to change, that want to keep on doing Nadja life the same old way. Just a problem; It is not working for me.
As I see and feel my great potential every day, getting cut loose from my path, from my every day life, I instead see doubt and judgment take up all the space and energy.
I have literally been sitting on my as in my room this summer, with a really empty feeling. Or is it even emptiness?
It´s apathetic. And this feeling I´ve been struggeling with for a looooong time. Others they do´nt see this, because I keep a poker face, without any reality. I keep on saying to myself that I am fine. I don´t let other people see my doubt. I let them see "perfect Nadja", and I think this is why my apathetic comes.
Like a shield of protection. I have not showned feeling, true feeling for a while so then when I am alone, I feel apathy. And I can not move. And nothing feels important or funny or good for me.
And deep down inside, I am screaming for a change, for a better and stronge Nadja to emerge and transform.
I see her, I understand she will come. She is not hiding, she is just waiting, She is asking me to have a look at this shaddow, at this inner battle, at that little sabotar. As part of the journey to transform, this is the mission, step 1 one could say.
Like all of us, we have a really strong inner self, higher self, soul, light body that knows that everything, all will be allright.
We have to work on the ego, the shaddow and the subconscious we have. We can not shine as a higher self if the ego breaks us apart all the time.
I will give myself the challange to stay in one place for a little longer time. And to go into the transformation of the being.
This I promis myself. To have a look at everything that steals my energy, who blocks me from reaching my highest potential. Today I will start to make tha transformation!
First by posting this, and saying to myself, wow Nadja, these picture are just great, what a good idea to bring the camera out when your where picking muschrooms, and what a great sunday. Monday morning will be your best one ever :)
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